The Formula
This article is one part of a three part “Formula” that can be used separately or combined in any order. Each part is broken down into three sub-parts that can also be used independently. “Belief, Values, and Action” & “Goals, Failure, and Learning” are the other two parts of the formula. This “Formula” when worked in its entirety can lead to profound effects on your life.
As you work through these exercises, things will start to become clearer and clearer. The more overlap you can create from each part, the stronger your vision will become. That strength of purpose comes from clarity. The clarity comes from the self-awareness you create by working the parts of the “Formula.”
In “Belief, Value, and Action” you learn how you came to be who you are today and release yourself from the things holding you back. “Goals, Failure, and Learning” will give you the ability to handle anything the world can throw at you and use it to accelerate life. Last but not least, “Happiness, Gratitude, and Routine” you will discover what truly makes you happy and how to make that happiness part of every day.
Happy
Everyone wants to be happy. Happy, happy, happy, all the time happy. Like every other emotion, it’s fleeting and it will pass. I’m not going to tell you chasing happy is a fool’s errand. I’m not going to tell you it’s possible to be happy all the time. I’m going to show you how to become aware of what really makes you happy and how to produce those moments every day.
The truth is, most of us are too busy to recognize what makes us happy. I don’t mean the default reflexive things like your kids, or your spouse. I’m talking about the things only for you. The things that make you smile or your eyes brighter or give you energy. What’s an activity you lose the sense of time doing? Does a cool breeze bring you back to the present moment? Simple things that happen throughout your day that if you took the time to notice, would make you feel happy. Watching water is one of mine. I don’t know why, but it brings me peace and joy when I’m near water.
The first thing you do is sit quietly and write down everything you can think of that makes you happy. Don’t write things like your kids or spouse. Only write the selfish things that are just for you. The way your spouse touches you can be one. How your child mispronounces spaghetti as “pssketti.” These are specific things. That’s what you are writing down, no cop-outs like the way my spouse makes me feel. What did your spouse do to make you feel happy? Everything on this list needs to be very specific.
This will be the beginning of a living document that will grow with you for the rest of your life. Your job each day or week or month is to add to this list. It doesn’t matter how fast you add things to the list and if the fear of not adding something to the list creeps in, then you are triggering a stress response and you need to put the list away for a while. –I’m looking at you high achievers.– This practice teaches you to be aware and on the lookout for your happy things. After a while it will amaze you how easy it is to find joy in simple day-to-day things.
Gratitude
Dictionary definition is: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. “Shit, you’re telling me I have to be nice to people. Fuck that, I’m not doing it,” some would say. I’m not going to sell you on peace, love, and harmony or that the world is full of good and if we all showed the goodness in our hearts, the world would be full of love. The world can be ruthless, cruel, and unforgiving. It can also be amazing, wonderful, and stunningly beautiful. That all applies to people as well.
What I am selling is gratitude for what you personally feel grateful for. When practiced consistently will make you feel great. This can’t really be measured and should never be faked. It doesn’t have to be a big huge thing you are grateful for. It can and should be small simple things as well as big impactful things. You can be grateful for a sunny day, or an understanding boss. There are no limits or rules to this.
Some people like to meditate on gratitude, others will recite a gratitude mantra before they eat or go to sleep. There is no right or wrong way to feel gratitude. I will give you a quick, easy way that I use every day. Like the happy list, you can keep a gratitude list. Simply, start off by thinking of everything you are grateful for. Then through your day you will add to this list as you notice things that make you feel grateful.
Happy and Gratitude Combined
There are many ways to keep these lists. I like to use my phone since I always have it on me. Any note taking app will work. I prefer to use an app that I can access online because I like to copy and paste my list from my phone to a document on my computer. These are my master lists.
Every so often read over your lists and remind yourself how abundant the world is. How if you just take the time to notice you can have happy and grateful micro-doses throughout your entire day. When you’re sad or angry or maybe you feel alone. These are all great times to look over your lists.
I can feel some of you out there thinking about duplicate entrees. If something makes you happy or grateful one day, chances are it will make you feel that way again the next day. Just because you wrote it down doesn’t mean it no longer has the power to make you feel happy or grateful. The point of this practice is to notice what makes you happy or grateful. It’s not to see how long you can make your list.
Routines
I know for some of you the thought of having a routine is like putting your hand in a meat grinder. It’s ok, everyone has different ways of navigating this world. Our routines, even the lack of routine, plays a large part in our results.
One routine that everyone should have is a way to play offense every day. What I mean is prepare for the day ahead of you. You have very little control of the world around you, but you can control how you respond to the world. I like to wake up early and set my intentions for the day. Preparing my mindset first thing in the morning prepares me for what the world will send my way. Those hours in the morning when the world hasn’t started yet is the best time to prepare to play offense instead of just reacting to the day-to-day situations we find ourselves in.
In the morning, I don’t let the world in until I’m ready to receive it. No social media, no email, just me and my thoughts. Don’t give anything or anyone control of your thoughts until you are ready to receive the stimulus. You open your phone and start scrolling you are letting others influence your thoughts. I’m not saying you should be a hermit and shut yourself in, but before you open yourself up to the world, get your mind in the right place first.
This process is different for everyone, and there are many ways to do this. It can also change over time and probably will as you get better at this. Some people use breathing techniques, others journal, some people workout, and some do all of these things. Some people meditate on gratitude, some people read inspiring words, others review what they want to accomplish that day and map out a plan. There is no right or wrong here. You simply need to give yourself the time and space to steel your mind. Don’t let outside influences dictate your thoughts and feelings until you have had a chance to get on offense.
If you let the world in before you are ready, you will be playing defense all day and will find yourself solving everyone else’s problems and not doing anything for yourself. How many times have you been dead tired at the end of the day and felt like you got nothing done? If you set your mind and intentions before you try to take on the day, you give yourself the power to create your life one day at a time. If all you do is react to what the world has in store for you, your life will pass you by and you won’t even know why. You will feel like you tried your best, and the world is holding back. When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.
Create routines that put the pen firmly in your hand. The world can wait. Nothing is more important than you placing the pen firmly in your hand. If you’re not writing your own story, you owe it to yourself and the people you care about to take your power back. Nobody can give it to you. It’s your responsibility to give yourself the power to write your own story.
Your energy will go in any direction you aim it. You get to choose and like a homing missile your mind will find, notice, and justify anything you decide needs attention. It’s called the reticular activating system and is one of the driving forces of your behavior. What this system is aimed at is responsible for a large portion of our perceptions. The three practices of happiness, gratitude, and the routine helps put you in control of what this autonomic brain function is aimed at. It can’t be turned off, but you can choose to leverage it in your favor.